So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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