I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
