Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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