Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
