I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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