Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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