just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
