I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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