I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
