Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
