I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize