First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
