well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
