you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
