New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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