I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
