i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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