u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
