He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
