I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
