You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
smell my finger.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
