Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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