I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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