I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
