i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
