i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
