he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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