i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
