fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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