The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
