I need help removing her.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
