Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
