Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
