I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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