Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
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I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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