At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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