Screwed.edu
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
pray to the hookup gods
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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