you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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