I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would ride that face into the sunset
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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