i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
