Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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