He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
