don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
