So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
