worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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