Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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