U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
