So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
