He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My bed smells like the plague
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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