Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
