Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
