After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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