I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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