Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
