Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
