I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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