you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
