Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
