wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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