If i come over, it means nothing
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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