twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize