Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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