I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need a beard to bite.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
