Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
