come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
