have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
