Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
