the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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