She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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